Archive for May, 2010

Flashback

Oh yeh, i remember…  i once offered to heal your broken heart. Perhaps your first one to start. You said no, i couldn’t be the one, i was losing my years and you were too young. Days passed. months passed. You got a new job. Years passed. A new life had begun for both of us. And then you broke your heart. Again and again. My heart never longed for anyone but you. And then suddenly you crashed into my life again. You wanted to meet, catch up and have some fun. I felt it was too good to be true, i wasn’t a fool. But yeh i was in love, and you were irresistible. We met, we spoke. We laughed, shared thoughts. And i fell. Fell and fell hard. Fell apart. Love was what i needed. But you weren’t looking for one. Just a friend to help you heal and have some fun. I thought no harm done. But it turned out to be untrue. Hurt had long way to go.

You needed me to fill a hole in your heart. I needed you for much more than that. My weakest point in time, i knew only you could have saved me. But yeh, i didn’t wanna be saved. Cause i was not the one for you. Still i had to take the plunge, i drowned, not knowing that my heart would be shattered. Into so many pieces that i could not even recollect. I tried to scream, but my voice was blanketed, suppressed by the sound of my broken heart’s beat. Yeh, it could still beat!

For me a day to cherish forever, for you a day you might not even remember. For me a beautiful memory, for you the day of a big blunder. I thought i could love you, and i did as much as i could. I don’t now if we were best of friends, but i didn’t need anyone else if i had you. I didn’t need anyone else like i needed you. My mind will not stop flashing random frames of moments spent in euphoria. Not sure how to come out of it, when rejection comes with walls of self-pity. Surrounded by it there is no where else that i can be. Feels like deja vu all over again. Doesn’t really matter what is lost or what is gained. But i still gotta run, run away as fast as i can. Before i go insane i gotta run from this pain. I hope it does not follow me again. Reminding me all the moments that i would never forget anyway. I wonder if i will ever find peace. Or shall i just cease to exist.

In Another Life In Another Time In Another World

I have decided to quit and leave. But i’ll come back and make it right next time. If there is a coming back at all, i swear i am going right back to the start. Fall all over again, get drowned in your love, waiting to be found by you. And this time i’ll make it thru, i swear i’ll make it thru. While i walk away right now, you’ll see a day, maybe in another world, in another time when our souls will unite as one, our body perfectly aligned, our mind thinking as one, hearts touched by our love and grace. There will be time to waste, in this perfect world, in your eyes i ‘ll see my face

Now my days are filled with memories of you and nights are filled with dreams that never come true. But in another time in another world, i’ll find a way to be the one that i couldn’t be. When i get to start all over again i’ll make it right, may be in another life, next time. Its been so long, i have forgotten where i belong. My mind full of images and memories of your lovely face i have cherished for so long, steals my smile, my pride taken, my ego wounded. I ask myself should i endure more or give up in vain. Effect the lives of others, give them a meaning, or become meaningless and fade away. Have a healing touch or give them bruises as i crash upon their lives.

My head hurts, my stomach boils while i swallow my own pain. Words are jumbled up in my mind and they make no sense. An avalanche of thoughts crashing down on me all at the same time. They tell me i am a loser, a dickhead and a douchebag. But all this will change, i promise, in another life, another time, another world. My love will always be the same for you. Forever true.